什么都不想。。。

最害怕的就是这种感觉。。。什么都不想做，什么都不想想，但其实，很多东西等着我去解决~~
把顾客的资料带回家里，但根本不想动。。。把需要了解的product资料也都带回来了，但根本没心情看。。。可是明明星期二就要去见那个人了，到现在还是不知道到底要介绍什么给他，基本的product也都还没完全掌握好。。。最kanasai的是，长大了，不能一直依赖别人，所以如果自己不做，没有人可以帮你，因为，就算你没做好，除了自己，也不会影响到任何人。。。

本来下星期会有两天的training，本来以为可以跟朋友一起玩闹，但上头决定不让我去。。。还蛮失望的说。。。原因是我还没有掌握好所有的product knowledge，去了也没用。。。因为相信她做的决定一定是对我最好的，所以也ok了。。。反正朋友们会在我这里training，应该还可以一起吃个午餐。。。而且target还没hit到，去training也许会耽误我的时间吧~~

因为自己一个人，所以这种什么都不想做的心情最糟糕。。。虽然真的没心情，还是要打扫屋子，还是要洗该洗的被单枕头套，还是一定要烫衣服。。。所以，懒惰的我，把可以省略掉的，就尽量省掉了。。。懒得出门，所以把cornflakes当午餐。。。晚餐应该也会被省略了吧~~因为发现自己吃外面的食物吃腻了。。。吃多了，脸也变圆了很多。。。

不知不觉一个月没回家了。。。没空回，也懒得回。。。之前本来该回去的，但为了准备考试没回去，过后连续考了两个考试，所以也没回。。。回家虽然会开心，但路途真的好累~~一个人搭轻铁到巴士站，一个人坐四个小时的车。。。回来这里又要四个小时，又要搭轻铁，还要一个人背着包包走路，赶在天黑之前回来。。。回到这里，还是要解决自己该解决的事，扫地抹地烫衣服。。。只是把该做的堆到礼拜天晚上才做。。。

虽然喜欢Ment来找我，来陪我几天，但总是不喜欢他走。。。因为好不容易习惯一个人的‘习惯’，见到他以后，又要从新学习‘习惯’。。。

可能那么懒惰的我，真的不适合自己一个人生活。。。没有Ment吵着说肚子饿，没有Ment挑剔的说要吃些好的，结果懒惰的我，自己随便吃，再随便一点就不吃。。。如果妈咪在，懒惰的我就可以叫她帮我烫衣服，当然连打扫也不需要我操心。。。

天气好像跟我一样，决定不了，该下雨还是该天晴，该开心还是该让自己沉淀。。。反反复复~~一下积极开心，一下悲观闷闷不乐。。。身边的人不累，自己都累了~~

改变

突然觉得自己改变了很多。。。是好是坏？？

开始慌了~~

本来讨厌一个人吃饭，现在每天都这样，变成了平常事。。。

白天忙忙忙，学学学，晚上回到家，关上门，又是一个人。。。开始听歌，上网，看戏，吃饭。。。可以不需要讲话。。。但习惯跟小动物讲话的我，家里连蚂蚁都没有得讲话。。。静静的一个人~~

本来无忧无虑的，现在开始害怕时间不够用。。。

放工回到家，要解决晚餐，要看香港戏学广东话，要冲凉，有时要想要不要扫地抹地，要看老板给的书，还要看保险考试的东西。。。一样东西至少花一个小时。。。重点是，十点开始，我的眼睛已经给警告了。。。

本来被保护得好好的，现在却拒绝被保护。。。

记得很久以前，跟一大群朋友出去玩。。。不管怎样，都会有人送我回家。。。就算大家要搭巴士回家，五六个朋友都会等到妈咪载了我，才各自回家。。。理所当然的特别待遇，造成了理所当然的我。。。但现在的我，却拒绝了陪伴。。。为什么？不知道~~可能开始觉得自己不再是个小女孩，没资格受到这些特别待遇。。。为什么其他女生都可以自己决定自己的事，我却一定要麻烦朋友给我这种特别待遇。。。

但今天回家路上，发现了我身上唯一不变的东西。。。还是一样同情心泛滥，还是一样被骗钱。。。至少，还有些东西没变。。。

也许，这样的生活，适合这样的我。。。早上上班，不停的说话，不停的笑着，不停的学习新的东西，勤劳的帮忙大家。。。晚上放工后，静静的懒得说话，懒得笑，懒得做任何事情。。。这不就是平常的我吗？有时没理由的发疯谈笑，有时没理由的突然沉默。。。是勉强自己吗？也许不是~我的特长就是，让自己喜欢上自己不喜欢的东西。。。

压力来自哪里？？不知道~~也许有时需要这样，痛快地疏解一下。。。相信明天会更好。。。至少，我在这里找到了真心的朋友。。。

公主记

因为先写在ms word里面，结果发现paste不进来这里，所以放在my space了。。。

http://cid-53aec12181e8ff2b.spaces.live.com/default.aspx


you might need to log in to ur msn in order to view tis entry...paiseh~~下次不会了。。。

给你。。。公主的专属笨蛋~

有一个笨蛋，可以让我开心，也可以让我伤心。。。

他，会为我担心，会让我担心， 也会让我放心。。。

他，是除了父母以外，最疼爱我，也最懂我的人。。。

他，知道我美丽可爱的一面， 也都看过我最丑陋的一面。。。

但他，还是愿意这样，一直待在我身边。。。

截然不同的家庭背景，让我看到他的努力，努力的要证明他可以给我幸福。。。

因为这样的他，让我学会，为自己的未来打算，和努力。。。

他，是多么的努力配合着我。。。喜欢我喜欢的，戒掉我讨厌的。。。

不吃牛肉和生蚝的他，也爱上了我超爱的牛扒和蚝仔面线。。。

我，也不知不觉，喜欢上他喜欢吃的‘臭菜’和‘阿嘛菜’。。。

拥有着同样的嗜好；我们都爱跳舞，都爱到处吃好吃的。。。

我，没有像其他女生那样，会让她们的他，吃完她们吃剩的，那种浪漫。。。

我们的浪漫，是吃完自己的，还要抢着吃对方的。。。

他明知道，我讨厌欺骗，还辛辛苦苦的骗我，甘心被我气，被我骂，也要给我最大的生日惊喜。。。

我们都会迷路，但只要有他在，都会让我很放心，

因为他，拥有男生最基本所有的，方向感。。。

我们都很快饿，但只要有他在，我都不会烦，

因为他，拥有母亲最基本所有的，好厨艺。。。

他，不只会吃，还会洗碗。。。

他还会洗衣，缝衣，烫衣，抹地，手工艺，血拼；女生该会的，他都会。。。

他虽然不会修车，但他会驾车；他虽然不会修电脑，但他会用电脑；男生该会的，他也会。。。

他，和大家一样，都会因为我找不到工作而担心。。。

可是，我知道，只要有他，就算没工作，他也养得起我。。。

但，我不会这样，让他带来多余的负担。。。

因为，我们的未来，我们要一起负责，一起建立。。。

我们曾经，一起上课，一起下课；一起为功课，考试，课外活动，和朋友烦恼与开心。。。

一起哭过，一起笑过。。。

我们，会让我们的故事，一直一直延续下去。。。

Life of an Unemployed Graduan

Its really miserable....the life of an unemployed graduan.... Actually Im not really unemployed lar~but then my job as a temporary chocolate promoter at Zon duty free, its like unemployed also...BORED dao~~~~~


It was ok at the beginning...at least the first 2 days we need to wipe the Kit Kat London Bus and display those products...but after tat, we jus standing there thinking of our future (day dreaming)...Luckly we r allowed to sit down when there is no customer...and usually there is no customer at all...so we jus sit there... Everyday from 12pm to 10pm except weekend we hav to work from 11am to 10pm...and we get RM60 + OT + commision~ I don think we able to get much on commission since the sales r not good... Honestly we feel sad for the company who hire us...they pay us for nothing...this is wat we called "gaji buta"...they earn nothing, but they hav to pay our salary everyday... My boss said tat, their sales not even enough to pay both of us...Who cares??~ Im the 1 who get paid, not the 1 who pay...


Actually they don need promoter...they jus need security guard...Coz the merchandising manager ask us to stand front and back "no need to serve, jus beware of any1 trying to steal"...But my Real Boss asked us to serve lah~~ At first we r so semangat "Hi, can i help u?? These chocolate r all imported, tis is from germany, an tat is from Bulgaria"...After 2 weeks, "......." standing there quietly, looking for sign tat they need help... As i said, they really don need to spend on promoter...they r wasting their company's resources...If they really wanna hire, 1 promoter is enough....But luckly they need 2 lah~ if not i work alone there, my brain will die in 3 days...Zon already hav few permanent sales person there wat...But then, the company ald consider lucky to waste their money on 2 bachelor holder, rather than some kids...right??hahah~~


The actual problems r not about the 'promoter' title...the problems r about the pattern of the job itself...we r searching for a permanent job with a decent salary, but not a 'little' promoter who listen to wat ppl said, following some stupid 'school rules'...wat we wan is to at least hav our own table and chair, a place to do 'real job', i don mind wearing formal clothes, but at least sumting tat i like, with some colour other than black or white...not earning day-to-day, standing at the same meter square place, or sitting on a shopping basket at the corner waiting for customers, wearing black or white t shirt, with black trousers, black socks and black shoes...Luckly we're not their permanent staffs, so i can dye my hair...if not they r not allowed to dye their hair, and it will be black too...I noe tats their company rules and its understandable tat they wan their staffs to hav discipline...But dont u think its too 'school rules'?? Wat i need is to hav some colour in my life...Frens who really noe me, they will noe tat i like colourful shirts and jeans, not black all over my body...Black really make my mood BLACK!!


Somemore, we r not allowed to bring our bags into our working area, but i saw sum aunty bring those recycle bag, then we jus bring recycle bag...AND yesterday, the stupid security said "tak boleh ambik bag ke dalam"..then we said "ini bukan bag, ini plastik bag"...then she said "kena ambik bag plastik yang transparent"... SHIT!!! who will buy a bag which is transparent??!!! if i bring a transparent bag, other ppl ma will noe wat i bring and can c my mobile phone, purse, and even my pad!!! Tats really an IDIOT idea from an IDIOT person...I understand tat they dowan any stealing problem within their staff members...BUT, the security guard did and do body check and check our bags everyday when we go out from there...and y do we need a TRANSPARENT BAG???!! If i really wanna steal, i will hav other ways rather than putting in my bag tat will get check when i go out right??


Can u imagine, wearing black all over ur body, 12pm punch card, count stock (everytime count wrong), standing beside the Kit Kat or sitting on a basket and wait, serve some customers who r actually window shopping, standing and sitting continuously...wait until 6pm punch card to hav break, eat malay rice which is the only thing u can get at their 'foodcourt' with only 2 malay stores, each selling 4 or 5 type of foods...AND YES!! The food available is also another problem of tat job!! They dont even hav a McD outlet in ZON!!! only a pathetic MarryBrown which will substitute the nasi of ur "MarryBrown Nasi Ayam" into sumting else coz they dun hav nasi... 7pm punch card again...chatting with our new Siam fren, 9.30pm cover those chocolates with cloth and those malays will put the pagar around...9.40pm wait until 10pm to punch card go home....Isnt tat MISERABLE??!!!! I REALLY CANT STAND TIS JOB ANY LONGER!!!!!!


And another sensitive problem is those malays workers there...Not all but some...they steal the chocolate during work time...WAT THE HELL~~No money buy meh??? I hate ppl like tis...and they even told Ah Ment how they actually steal from the box without open the seal...So Angry~~although they r same bored as us, but pls lah~~don steal...if u eat the chocolate tat u steal, u sure will "Lao Sai" 1...Tis is wat i believe...and i really cant work with those sot sot malays...they talk nonsense only...and the Sabahan also~Tats really frustrating for me...everytime walk past, he sure shout "Wang Wang, eh Wang"...Wat wat wat??!!I dun even noe him but he keep calling me~~ I think he really need a knock on his head with the Special edition's Jack Daniel's bottle!! But i jus close my ears and walk straight without looking at him...he really look scary...


1 more thing...Zon there got a lot of China ayam...they always sit with those ugly, geli and vomitting grandpa beside the chocolate area...talking so loudly eventhough they noe they r talking sumting "illegal"...i cant stand tat kind of environment anymore!! besides, there hav lots of malay or bangla, i dono wat r they, jus black skin lah~~ wanna go toilet also scare...when they walk past u, then will stare at u...i always so scare, walk fast fast and don look at them...ytd 2 of us was so disappointed with ourselves and so frustrating with the job...my mood was totally down into the sea...an when i walk out from the toilet, there were 2 malay guys standing at the public telephone there...1 of them keep looking at me and say "Hi..."....Understandable, my fire burn onto my head and i stop, turn to him, without looking any places, i stare into his eyes with all my anger...i think he terkejut and keep quiet after tat...then i walked away...dono y...i really hate those malay call us "eh Moi Moi~" Moi apa Moi!!?? eat shit lah~~ I did say tat to 1 of the sales trainee at the chocolate department there...he always call "Moi, Moi~" Then i terus say "Moi apa Moi...Respect! Panggil Kakak!" coz actually im older than most of them there, who is about 18-20 year old only...


As a result...I REALLY CANT STAND TIS JOB ANY LONGER!!!! but i ald promise my boss to work for him until feb 12... If i noe earlier, i wouldn't be so soft hearted and listen to my mom...At first we said wanna work until Feb8 only, since we started on jan8, exactly 1 month...but my mom said, "don make ppl difficult lar...its getting close to CNY, ur boss sure need ppl at tat time, if 2 of u stop, he will be in trouble to find other ppl" And i fall into tis crap bcos of being soft hearted...i promise him to work until 1 day before new year eve...and then he asked "how about after new year??" as the choc fair will be until feb28...luckly i said "dowan lar~~we come bk from australia then start working...after new year we wanna go play...dowan to continue..." LUCKLY and God Bless!!!! if not after new year we still need to suffer another week more to finish the fair...But now, we still need to suffer and struggle for another 3 weeks...I don understand how the assistant supervisor can work for 3 years and my supervisor ald work for 7 years...1 week we ald cant tahan, 2 weeks we ald wanna resign...Besides, HL and Computer they all going genting tis Saturday, but both of us only can suffer at Zon....Vean asked me to take leave on tis Saturday to go shopping for new year clothing with them at Bugis...But i can only suffer at Zon...


I noe, my life shouldnt be like tis...its jus an incident...i cant be the 1 who listen to command but the 1 who giv command...when did i realise tis?? Its when the new graduated, but old, short, shaggy and mouth full with cigarrete smell's Zon executive, asked 2 of us to stand separately to look at 2 group of customers, when the place tat we stand can actually c both side very clearly...Maybe u will think tats my ego of being a fresh graduated...Maybe~~ I jus think tat the guy don hav the "Zi1 Ge2" to tell me wat to do...I really "Bu4 Shuang3"...I noe I can be a better and stronger person than wat i m now...Jus wait and C~~


Tats only some part of our miserable life at Zon...If u're interested, u can try to work there for a week...tats after new year when we dowan to work anymore...maybe u can take our place...dare to try??

Bachelor Degree, PASS!!

Yeahz!!!!!! Jus got my result tis morning...although the result not as good as the previous semester, but still pass my bachelor degree!!!

The sad thing is tat, my GPA drop form 6 to 5.5....Tragedy!! However, the happy thing is tat, I really manage to 'Hiam Hiam' pass all my subject...God bless~Im really content with the result as my final semester subjects r really really too difficult...At least i pass it...right?? Actually, i did not pass 1 of my subject for the final...luckly im not in INTI anymore, if not it will consider fail....haha!! These r my result:

Consumer Behaviour: (5) 70%

Strategic Marketing: (6) 75%

International Econommics: (5) 71%

Comtemp Application of Economics Theory: (4) 51%

Can u imagine??!! i got 51% over 100%!!! I only need 19/50 in final to pass tis subject...and i got 20/50!!! Wat the~~Dangerous border leh!! Think also scare...I still love my previous semester's results...No matter how, I COMPLETED my Bachelor!!!!!

Put aside those job hunting or master hunting problems....Now im only thinking about my convocation...hehe!! So excited!! and my parents and sisters r coming in 11 days time... Do u noe how to spell happy?? H.A.P.P.Y!! haha....

Now, lets see the colour of my hood...Its blue!! although the blue not really nice, But i still can Graduate!!!hahaha...It will cost AUD60 to hire the whole set of gown...Got enough money to study, and still hav to got enough money to graduate...mg~~

And tis...i wish to buy 1 of tis...i think its for the the parchment...But new pattern...got a '09' on it an with different colours for different faculty...hehe!!cute right??

Lastly, Tis is the Faculty of Business graduate Bear from Miss Huey Ling...The moment i saw it, the first thing in my mind was "So expensive!!!"...haha!!And she actually bought 3!! 1 for me, 1 for Ment and 1 for Computer...U can c the blue hood the bear wearing..its the same as my gown...look a bit like Harry Potter..haha!!

Tats all for today...gonna go for lunch now...wohoo~~

Holiday

就这样。。。考完了~也许这是我人生中的最后一个考试。。或许不是。。。因为我还没决定要不要继续读书硕士。。。

考完试应该要觉得轻松，可是因为我觉得考得不是很好，很危险，很怕不能毕业~所以一直还在担心。甚至还梦到在考试。。人生的烦恼真是一波未平，一波又起~~考试之前担心书读不完，考试前几个小时担心考题会很难，或是老师给的tips不准~~考完了，又担心成绩，怕毕不了业~成绩出来了，又担心是要继续读书还是找工作~~找工作又怕找不到~工作找到了，又担心薪水养不了自己~~总之就是不停的担心。。。几时才能够停下来，把心放下。。。


当还在Inti的时候，期待来到澳洲，试着过不一样的生活~~到了澳洲，发现其实也没特别，Inti还比较好，至少可以随时回家或是去吃牛肉面和面线~~在澳洲读书，assignment多到爆，所以希望快点赶完~~赶完了又到考试，所以期待考试快过，可以去玩~~真的考完试了，又期待快点毕业然后回家~~可是其实回家也不知道要做什么。。不停的期待未来。。。突然发现，我已经21岁了。。。过去的我，算是有享受到人生吗？？或许当时的我，只想快点过完时间。。。时间真的过了，回首，才发现，有时让时间慢慢的过，也不是件坏事。。。


现在的我，还是死不悔改。。照样担心着成绩~~因为之前spm和mufy，就是对我来说无比重要的考试，都有失误~~所以这次，更加担心。。带上毕业帽一直是我的梦想，我不能够接受任何失误~~希望我这三年的努力不会白费。。。还有那些学费不会浪费~哈哈！！


之前考试期待快点考完。。。现在期待我家人快点来参加我的毕业典礼。。。可能等他们回去，我又会期待快点回马来西亚。。。这两天考完试，我又突然想起我爱吃的东西。。。之前两个月，好像忙得忘了那些好吃的。。。现在头脑一松，他们又在我的脑子里转。。。痛苦！！真的好想回去吃。。。我想，那时和Sakai太得空写下的食物list，我应该再list出来，准备回去吃完！！！比如说，Laksa, 牛肉面，哦阿面线，果条仔，白色云吞面，虾面，面粉馃，炒果条，roti telur，teh tarik, milo ice, A Po 肉骨茶，慧玲家面线， 等等等等。。。。


啊啊！！！！想到就好想一口气吃完这些东西。。。可是没办法，还有两个月才可以吃到。。。快疯了。。。整整九个月没吃到像样的东西。。。我看这两个月，还是要靠Nudo's的虾面还有Laksa Hut的laksa过活。。。Nudo's的虾面是最可以接受的。。Laksa hut，如果开在JB, 两天就倒咯~态度又不是很好。。。咳~~好饿哦！！！


现在可以做的就只是想想我家人来的时候要带他们去哪里玩。。。我‘人生地不熟的’。。哈哈！！怎样带他们去玩？？还有，他们来的时候，要住哪里？？又是问题~~随便。。。我肚子饿~要去吃好吃的了。。。拜拜！！